The withering of expectations, the disappointments in wants, and the harsh times of growth

I taught myself how to grow. Without any love and there was poison in rain. I taught myself how to grow. Now I'm crooked on the outside, and the inside's broke. Can you guess what lyric, song, album, and artist it comes from? Expectations and wants we all have them don't we? But what if if our expectations come up short, or our wants fail? What if now is the time for growth but we are in too much pain to grow? That's how the last week has been for me. I had to confront a good friend of mine and a family member. I usually avoid confrontations and try to accommodate, compromise, and please everyone to try to keep the peace and make everyone happy. I did all of this to suppress my emotions since most of the time I didn't know what to do with my emotions or how to deal with my emotions. I never really gave myself permission to have and to express these emotions. I use to think that I had low expectations and wants of people but I was wrong. I realize now that I had wants and expectations that I foolishly assumed would be met by certain friends or family members. I thought that if I treated them differently and lead by example and through my actions, that they would treat me by how I treated them. I thought that since I was changing and at a place of growth in my life. They would see and embrace this change and growth in me with admiration and open arms. I realize that my expectations and wants weren't very genuine and not very fair. My wants and expectations were a form of control. I wanted and expected them to be a certain way with me so that I can feel better about myself and avoid confrontation and expressing any emotions. I've been wrong on this view for a very long time. I can't control or change anyone no matter where my heart is coming from or how good my intentions are. I can't control or change anyone whether I'm at a place of growth and change as a person and want them to embrace and follow my example. Because maybe they're set in their ways and may not be in a place of growth in their own lives at this time in their lives. I realize that if I'm going to have healthy relationships I need to be at peace with my feelings and emotions and give myself permission to have and express them in a healthy way. I also realize I need to confront my fear of confrontation and learn to have healthy confrontation without fear of intimidation, consequences, threats, or retaliation. I also realize I need to stop casting my pearls before swines and being so quick to please others at my own expense. I am competent, confident, and capable. This week was a harsh time to grow but a perfect time to reflect and to take a courageous step forward. Lord thank you for your steady hand in my life, the grace to take a step forward, the wisdom in my mistakes, and the courage to grow. Expectations will wither, wants will disappoint, but growth will get us to what we need in despite of  the pain or our weakened will.

Quiet & Small among us Podcast

Its a little late going up!

The quiet &  small among us
Comments are welcome!

The quiet & small among us

Do to others as you would have them do to you- Luke 6:31. 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' - Matthew 25:40. I love these verses because they are a helpful reminder to keep me humble and to always put these verses into practice to the best of my ability everyday. If these verses are in my heart then I can guarantee they are on my conscience. Its like checks and balances to keep you from stepping on any one's toes and making you aware of the rules so you can enjoy your rights and be respectful and aware of other's rights and freedoms. I was at a local Pathmark today in Hackensack and I was shocked and sadden to hear that they are closing their store on April 15. For those who have the ability to get around better then I can via car, truck, van, or bus with a monthly bus pass. It's probably not going to affect them so much although it will be an annoyance at first. But what about the quiet and small among us? When you think of the quiet and small among us what thoughts come to our minds first? Babies, children, the poor, and animals? Those would be correct, simple, and legitimate answers. I would agree as well and would go as far as to say those groups in society would fall under Luke 6:31 in what the verse means and what Jesus intent was. Because in the books of Matthew, Mark , Luke, and John, Jesus used parables to teach us things so that we may better understand them in the simplest ways possible. The quiet and small among us that comes to mind for me are people with disabilities and the elderly. The disabled and the elderly would fall under the Luke 6:31 and what the verse means and what Jesus intent was. Let's think about this for a moment. You have many handicap and elderly who can and are willing to do whatever they can to be and remain competent and self sufficient to the best of our ability. But many disabled and elderly people have to depend on services or people to help them maintain their competency and self sufficiency. This is nothing to be ashamed of though since nobody is disabled or elderly by choice. Because no matter how well we try to live life at some point we all need help. People don't like getting old. And if you asked many disabled people I'm sure we would've made an appointment with God just to have a say in our creation and probably would've made God an offer He couldn't refuse! With the news of the pathmark closing next month it got me wondering if society is made for the quiet & small among us. Most of us are able to adapt to the best of our abilities. But for many on a fixed income or with limitations, convenience is one of the greatest aids to the quiet and small among us. It help us live better lives to the best of our abilities and helps us maintain the confidence in being self sufficient so that we can be apart of society and remain in our communities. But if society takes away convenience then the struggles in our lives will be even more difficult then they should be. I believe in my heart that if society adopted and applied Luke 6:31 and Matthew 25:40 to their minds and in their hearts to the best of their ability. I think the quiet and small among us would be  very thankful and would be humbly reminded that our God will never leave us nor forsake us. Because God is love. And what a difference love can make. 

My First Post and Abbreviated Podcast

Welcome or Bem-vindo! I decided to start a blog and podcast. I'm excited about this new adventure. I'm a shy and quiet man but I think that it's way overdue that I come out of the woods. Don't you? I have thoughts that maybe interesting to you. Maybe I can get you to slowdown and take a moment to laugh or smile or both. I have alot to say but sometimes I don't know how to say it. I have a speech impediment. My speech is slurred and I have difficulties pronouncing words. Most of the time I laugh but I cringe sometimes
because people can come off as being very rude when I'm told they can't understand me. What about you? Life is like a speech impediment isn't it. We are so busy like honey bees. We buzz around with so much to do that sometimes it consumes our minds and sucks the love and kindness out of our hearts. But watchout for the stingers if we have to wait in traffic just so an old man takes his time to cross the street safely. Or watchout if we have to slowdown and wait for the little lady whos paying for her items and is taking her time gathering her money. Buzzing louder and louder our stingers are sharp as a sword  and we sting the person because they have crossed our busy lives and lack of time. They violated our busy day that should have never be rudley interrupted. As a disabled person I to can be a busy bee buzzing around focusing on a busy day. But I thank God for reminding me to slowdown and show God's love and kindness in my heart.  By slowing down and waiting patiently and taking the time to say hello with a big joyful smile. It shows others that love and kindness still abounds plentiful in our hearts. No matter how bad our speech impediments may seem.

All comments are welcome!: